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Thread: Jessop Burgers

  1. | #16
    Siberian Chess Tiger Axiom's Avatar
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    Default "Jessop Burgers" ~ Re-released!



    Denis Jessop cruising the South Pacific on a yacht called No Horizon paid for by the Lawyer Collective, hits a ferocious storm and is stranded on a desert isle. After several weeks, Denis through boredom, fashions a chessboard and pieces from coconut palms.

    Just as soon as he finishes, a native springs from the bushes and asks Denis what he is doing. Denis, with a haughty look of scorn and derision says "Look boy, this is chess, and you don't like it!" the native responds "Ah yes, i have heard of this game from my elders", Denis interjects "You fuzzy-wuzzies, you no like chess, too comp-li-ca-ted for you, you go catch fish for me yes?"



    The native immediately spins on his heels and trudges off to the undergrowth where after several seconds of earnest rummaging, produces what looks awfully like a spear. He approaches a slightly bemused looking Denis and OMG i can see now, IT IS A SPEAR!!

    ....[CENSORED - DUE TO GRAPHIC NATURE OF CONTENT].....

    As night fell the native and his family settle down around a raging fire on the moonlit beach, playing with the board and pieces and gorging themselves, on what we will discreetly call here - Jessop Burgers .

    Last edited by Axiom; 22-12-16 at 12:09 AM.
    "Don't let the snow get down the back of your pants" ~ SCT

  2. | #17
    Siberian Chess Tiger Axiom's Avatar
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    Epilogue


    Two days have passed, everyone on the island has eaten a Jessop Burger. Unfortunately the burgers didn't agree with the indigenous people's tummies and many fell ill. In fact it got much worse than that. After 7 days the island's small population were all dead. Also, as some of the Jessop Burgers were canoed across to a couple of nearby islands, they too incurred terrible losses.

    The camera pans down to the beach, running its way along the shimmering sand till it stops to focus on Denis's skull perched upright on a tiny dune with windswept seaweed masquerading as some type of macabre toupee.

    The camera pans again just above the sand-line to the waves that slosh to and fro, creeping inextricably to the chess pieces, that lay strewn upon the shore.



    The camera pans across for the very last time.
    Coming to rest on a strange obelisk partially submerged in the sand.
    As the camera slowly tilts upwards .... it becomes jaw-droppingly clear .....a dawning realisation is thrust upon the viewer, .... it is ..... the White King !

    Last edited by Axiom; 22-12-16 at 12:08 AM.
    "Don't let the snow get down the back of your pants" ~ SCT

  3. | #18
    Senior Member Firegoat7's Avatar
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    Truly frightening!
    AC: 20-6-20-> ...I did tell them how chess improves people in many aspects. I had better start buying their paper.



  4. | #19
    Siberian Chess Tiger Axiom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Firegoat7 View Post
    Truly frightening!
    If Edgar Alan Poe was around today i'm sure he would say it was a modern day horror classic.
    Last edited by Axiom; 23-12-16 at 08:22 PM.
    "Don't let the snow get down the back of your pants" ~ SCT

  5. | #20
    Senior Member OzChessFM's Avatar
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  6. | #21
    Siberian Chess Tiger Axiom's Avatar
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    Denis's skull perched upright on a tiny dune with windswept seaweed masquerading as some type of macabre toupee.

    The camera pans again just above the sand-line to the waves that slosh to and fro, creeping inextricably to the chess pieces, that lay strewn upon the shore.



    The camera pans across for the very last time.
    Coming to rest on a strange obelisk partially submerged in the sand.
    As the camera slowly tilts upwards .... it becomes jaw-droppingly clear .....a dawning realisation is thrust upon the viewer, .... it is ..... the White King !

    "Don't let the snow get down the back of your pants" ~ SCT

  7. | #22
    Senior Member antichrist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Klepto View Post
    Where can I acquire a tasting of the famed Jessop Burger? I've never tried human flesh before - I've heard a lot of rave reviews from vampires and zombies, mind you.
    Axiom means in the same context as Jesus' body and blood is in the communion host of the Catholic Church. They are manufactured in China nowadays.

  8. | #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by antichrist View Post
    Axiom means in the same context as Jesus' body and blood is in the communion host of the Catholic Church. They are manufactured in China nowadays.
    I couldn't stop laughing.

  9. | #24
    Siberian Chess Tiger Axiom's Avatar
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    "Don't let the snow get down the back of your pants" ~ SCT

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